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Showing posts from January, 2018

Where Do I Go From Here?

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I am at a loss, dear reader.  How do I express myself when I struggle daily to understand my world right now?  I have never been here before, in this state.  This place is new to me and holds no security for me.  I am scattered in a million pieces, trying in vain to keep them together for any length of time.  Grief and pain fill me some days, and other days I feel normal if there is such a state.  It has taken me months to bring myself to this place to be able to write again.  I wonder if this too is in vain.  I believe I am afraid of feeling the pain which writing will bring.  But, maybe in doing so, I can begin to heal.
I have lost my mom, dear reader.  She is finally at peace.  She left this existence October 24 as I held her face begging her to stay.  It was only she and I in her last moments of life.  Reduced to the child within, I kissed her and asked her not to leave just yet.  Yes, I was so very weary, but to live without her was a thought I could not bear in her final moment…