Where Do I Go From Here?
I am at a loss, dear reader. How do I express myself when I struggle daily to understand my world right now? I have never been here before, in this state. This place is new to me and holds no security for me. I am scattered in a million pieces, trying in vain to keep them together for any length of time. Grief and pain fill me some days, and other days I feel normal if there is such a state. It has taken me months to bring myself to this place to be able to write again. I wonder if this too is in vain. I believe I am afraid of feeling the pain which writing will bring. But, maybe in doing so, I can begin to heal. I have lost my mom, dear reader. She is finally at peace. She left this existence October 24 as I held her face begging her to stay. It was only she and I in her last moments of life. Reduced to the child within, I kissed her and asked her not to leave just yet. Yes, I was so very weary, but to live without her was a thought I could not bear in her fina