Showing posts from February, 2020

It's Been A While

I know it has been a long while since my last posting.  I have been lost and am slowly finding my way out of the darkness.  Losing my mother has been the hardest thing I have ever walked through.  The main reason is that my mom was my grounding and shield.  I did not realize how much I depended on her presence in my life, whether I was with her or not.  The very knowledge that she existed brought such peace to my soul. I knew I could pick up the phone and hear her voice anytime I wished. I could see her whenever I wanted.  She was here. When she became sick, and I moved to take care of her, it was helplessness I could never have imagined. To watch someone I love die slowly and know there was nothing I could do to stop it was debilitating. I could only make her life as comfortable as possible. Dementia is cruel and horrifically unkind. After we had to say goodbye, I was utterly lost. I couldn't save my mom. She was gone. The regrets, waisted time, 'should-haves' and 'cou