It's Been A While

I know it has been a long while since my last posting.  I have been lost and am slowly finding my way out of the darkness.  Losing my mother has been the hardest thing I have ever walked through.  The main reason is that my mom was my grounding and shield.  I did not realize how much I depended on her presence in my life, whether I was with her or not.  The very knowledge that she existed brought such peace to my soul. I knew I could pick up the phone and hear her voice anytime I wished. I could see her whenever I wanted.  She was here. When she became sick, and I moved to take care of her, it was helplessness I could never have imagined. To watch someone I love die slowly and know there was nothing I could do to stop it was debilitating. I could only make her life as comfortable as possible. Dementia is cruel and horrifically unkind. After we had to say goodbye, I was utterly lost. I couldn't save my mom. She was gone. The regrets, waisted time, 'should-haves' and 'could haves' haunted my every moment. I was utterly lost in my grief. I hope to use the experience I have walked through to help others understand our loved ones know we are doing the best we can for them, even if they cannot express it. They know they are loved because we are with them. Then, when they leave us, we need to know they are with us, always.

Since mom passed, I have made several life changes and found an excellent therapist.  It has made such a huge difference for me.  I have also been tested and diagnosed with Autism and ADD.  These diagnoses help to explain so much of my life. I can look back over my childhood and younger adulthood with new eyes.  It has given me a deeper understanding of who I am and why I function the way I do.  I have to laugh sometimes because my brain has always functioned so differently, and I never could understand others. I can breathe! I have hope! I now can face the demons which haunt me and find solace in knowing my mom is still right here, with me, always.  I grieve every day, but I know she would be so proud of me.  I am getting better one day at a time. With new knowledge and a deeper understanding of my existence, I can face each day with renewed courage. I am enough as I am.

I want to share several things with you, dear Reader. I hope you are still there after all this time. I was asked several months ago to co-author a book series.  My best friend, Naomi Valkyrie, and I have now published our first collaboration.  We are so excited and cannot wait to continue this fantastic journey.  I am so grateful for her precious friendship. I look forward to not only co-authoring more books but one day writing my own.  It has been a dream of mine since I was young, but not one I ever thought attainable. My brain works so differently than most, and it is difficult for me to 'fit in' to the mold of a typical writer.  Naomi has told me time and time again, "You're words may not be for everyone, but they are for someone." 

I have chosen to write under a pen name.  It is one which honors my mom and my grandmother, for who I am named. I never knew my grandmother, she passed before I was born, but my mom spoke of her so often I feel as if I knew her well.  They both taught me the strength of spirit and to believe in myself no matter the darkness surrounding me. They are my inspiration to put pen to page.

Dear Reader, I am so proud to announce our first book, ~ Aberration.

Please visit my website ~ for more information or Naomi's at It is currently available on Amazon for Kindle pre-order, and the print version will be available soon.  We would love to hear from you, so please feel free to send us a message.  I am still in the process of creating other social platforms and will continue to update this blog as much as possible.

I am so excited for the future, dear Reader, and I hope you will join me on it. I look forward to our journey.


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