Love and Trust

I have walked through several situations the last few months which have pushed me deeper into my self-awareness and understanding more so than I have ever known.  These moments have caused me to withdraw from social interaction, family, friends and my creative nature.  However, this is not a negative thing.  It is actually quite the opposite for I have gained clarity and peace once again.

By being put in a new place, a deeper place, it was important to find the silence.  To be able to disconnect and take me away into my sanctuary.  It is a place I visualize within, a safe haven sealed away where I can mentally, emotionally and spiritually walk into and seal the door closed. In this place, I can dissect myself by looking in from the outside.  This is where I have been, and I have come to a deeper realization of a strict structuring which no longer serves me.  A new understanding which frees me from self-criticism, angst, and self-doubt.  I have found a sweet freedom, and it is truly a beautiful thing.  I am once again reminded from the ashes I rise.  Just as the phoenix, I rise more beautiful, more secure, more in tune with the symphony of who I AM.

During my time of reflections a new, but old question came to renewed life in me.  It is the question about the nature of love and why sometimes we find it so hard to let it reign free through our lives. Why is it so hard for us to allow it to pass through and beyond just the normal existence in which we force it to be? Whether this is only within the confines of romantic, friendship, family, faith or any other area, we choose to make love stay within very strict guidelines and structures. Some of which have been put upon us by others. So, I want to know the 'why'?  Why do I find myself sometimes battling to freely love without hindrance?

Why can't love itself be our first nature and not our second, third or fourth?  I understand logic and the need to step outside of emotion to view life.  Is there a way for love and logic to coexist together at the same time?  To logically love?  To answer the questions of life logically founded in the core of unconditional love?  How can we be love and operate in logic? Is it possible to merge and be equally both?  Through our experiences in life, we usually find ourselves all in one state, either all logic or all emotion and sometimes neither. Is it possible to be balanced within the two?  Being in logic creates a place of trust, not only for ourselves but others.  We find this trust because we can come to an understanding of the situation or circumstances on a deeper level through the application of logic. This questioning led me to look at my own nature. How did this apply to me?  How am I confining love and how am I not allowing the states of being to coexist?  Then to answer the question of 'why' am I doing this?

I am a creature of love and always have been.  Love is my nature first.  However, I have formed rules, guidelines and strict boundaries around it.  So much so I find myself fighting within to allow this nature to reign free at all times. What was making me stay within these structured boundaries? Is it to keep me safe from the pain of hurt and rejection?  Is it a fear of the unknown?  The possibility what I freely give would never be reciprocated?  Or that it would be taken advantage of and abused. Or is it pride, the thought that no one is worthy to have it or experience it because they wouldn't cherish me as I feel I need to be?  All of this opens a plethora of questions about myself.

This leads to the concept of trust. Is it a trust issue?  Trusting that which is given will be taken care of and respected?  If I use trust as the controlling factor and boundary of love, doesn't this mean I have allowed myself to move into withholding love depending on the response of another?  Do I want to be in control of the response and reaction towards what I have given?  In other words, if A does not respond or react to my giving of B, then I will withhold B until they comply with my expectations and requirements.  At this point then, is it truly love which I give?  Is not love to be unconditional and without expectation?  And doesn't this lead to using love as a weapon to manipulate another?  If this is the case then I do not at all, it is self-pride and self-serving egoism.  The bottom line is fear. Fear leads to withholding trust and love.  It is the fear of the unknown response and reaction of another.
To understand it is not my responsibility how others react or respond to what is given frees me to just be.  To exist and simply be 'in' the state of love at all times regardless of the responses of others without fear. How they respond or react is totally their own responsibility, not mine.  In this I find freedom.  Freedom to express love in all forms to all things and all people.  Because of this, there can be no judgment towards others in regards to loving. I simply love. My state of energy, the existence of my being becomes a higher and a more pure vibration at this point.  So many great teachers and philosophers have walked this planet is such states of being.  They chose to love regardless, even unto death.  They knew they were only responsible for themselves, not others. I cannot control anyone else, save for myself.

I can be in a state of constant love and trust without compromising my inner true self.  In all circumstances and situations, I respond in love.  Does this mean I set myself up to be abused and taken advantage of?  No.  The reason being, the inner self, the core of me would not allow it.  I can love and be 'in' love without allowing others to abuse me.  I am not responsible for their actions, or what they choose to do with what I have given.  If they are not in truth (being honest) it is on them, not me as long as I remain in truth.  Do you see?  Being in a state of love not only for others but myself as well keeps me in balance.  Is it not love to walk away from destruction and allow the destruction to teach the lessons it needs to so that others can grow from the experience?  Isn't it love to not interfere in the path someone has chosen to walk even if it means they walk into darkness for a season?  The trials and tribulations we have in this life teach us many necessary truths, and we have all been there.

I have loved, and still love, people I have had to walk away from simply because they chose to walk a path I could not walk with them.  Doing so would have compromised my inner self and who I am.  I chose not to be destructive to myself, therefore I remained balanced.  Does this make sense?  I still to this day in each moment struggle to allow my nature of love to freely flow.  In a world of darkness, I grieve from the lack of love.  I feel like a tiny candle sitting within a window giving the smallest glow into the darkness waiting for the glimmer of another.

To love and trust in the same moment takes conscious effort.  It takes everything within to trust just being 'in' the state of love without fear.  Standing in the face of hate, apathy, jealousy, rage, discrimination, abuse, intolerance and evil in life takes great courage and faith.  We must understand when we come face to face with such things, the reactions and responses to our love are not about us, it is all about the other person.  Their response and reaction tell their own story.  It shows their own inner self.  In knowing this we can look back in the face of any negative adversity with love. Even if it means turning the other cheek.  How many times in our own lives, looking back, do we wish someone would have loved us through the darkness?  For them to not have given up and responded to our own inner turmoil with love.  Oh, how much pain and heartache could have been averted!

We cannot give up on each other or ourselves. We must continue to grow.  Being a light in times of darkness is so important.  None of us are safe, and love will be what shows us the away back to the light when we find ourselves there. We need to be able to willingly give all that we are into another soul for the sake of love.  Trusting ourselves first, then having faith that love will be reflected back to us.  To be 'in' the state of love in each of our moments, allowing others to simply flow in and out of our sphere of influence helps us find inner peace and balance.  We learn to breathe into our existence the essence of pure love and trust, then push it out to touch everything around us.  When others flow to us we deposit into them love regardless of their responses.  Remember, we ourselves flow into others spheres of influence to be deposited into as well.  How do we respond?  Do we love?  Do we trust?  Do we reflect back to others purity of heart?  See, it is all connected.  Like pebbles in a pond, we send out waves across the surface of life touching others with all that we do or say.  The only hope is to trust the love within ourselves and let it out freely.

Miss Universe | Deviant Art | Source


  1. Ellen, oh this is so beautiful!!! Straight from the heart, and so full of love and life, with the questions and answers related and realitive to the why and how we hold back or give love freely! Thank you for sharing your heart Ellen, it is wonderful, and oh so beautiful!!!! Peace

  2. I can't help but to read this beautiful work of love and trust over and over again... It resonates to and with me and if we would all be truthful, it resonates with us all... Deep within our souls, to love and be loved without boundaries and total freedom!!! Love


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