Dear reader, I have for the last few months found myself struggling to put upon the page the revelations I have come into.  So many changes in my life rendered me unable to reign in my scattered thoughts enough to put them in a cohesive form.  I find myself tonight finally finding the internal dialogue flowing and felt I should take advantage of this state as much as possible before it evades me once again.  I ask for your patience as I do my utmost to put before you, my thoughts.  Because, as many rabbit trails as my mind may possess, what follows may seem to you without conclusion or may seem disjointed and without a connection.

A new revelation of what it means to be 'unconditional' came to me one afternoon after I read an article concerning judgment.  This article created a new understanding in me concerning the state of being 'unconditional.'  It is this - to be unconditional one must be able to accept all in their present moment as they are without expectation of future or judgment of past.  What exactly does this mean?
This means in loving and accepting another unconditionally, we cannot place the future or the past within a current moment of experience with them. We are to receive them as they presently are, and not hold a vision of them based on an illusion created in a future state.  A story we have told ourselves of how we think they should be, which if they do not evolve into we become resentful, placing blame upon them. We see it as a failure on their part when in fact they have no obligation to our expectations. There is no failure, only the lack of not being in an unconditionally accepting state for where they are in their present moment.  It is not our place to expect them to be anything other than who they are, taking them from moment to moment.

If we bring the past into the present experience, we have also moved out of being unconditional. This due to the fact we are comparing the current experience to what has previously happened. Thus we step into judgment.  The judgment of another again places our own expectations and conditions upon them.  We have set our standards against them, measured, and found them wanting.  The past is not something to be established within the present experience.  The present is the result of the past experience and is the culmination of growth, or stagnation, whichever was chosen.  Regardless, we do not have the right to judge them, nor anyone for that matter.  This includes, believe it or not, us as well.  We must accept that all experiences have brought us to our present moment, and at this moment we become, evolve, for the better or worse.

My soul is tired, dear reader, so exhausted.  This is a 'tired' which reaches so deep the bones within my frame ache.  I have never known such a place.  This valley I find myself in is so gray, without warmth.  Each day I go through like a robot, taking care of the task before me with no depth of emotion.  Why you may ask?  Being a caregiver can be such weary place regardless of the love you hold for someone.  To be able to take care of a loved one effectively one must lock up the emotional room for a while.  It is a scary place to be in because I ask myself all the time, "Will I truly be able to feel again"?  I want to feel the warm rays of love and happiness fill me again. To be able to rest without worry.  One day, to allow the tears to fall freely and have the freedom to grieve.  But, for now, I must stand before the room in my soul, checking that the lock is secure.  Wearily I lay my forehead against the worn frame and just keep breathing because tomorrow will come, and my mother needs me to be strong, at least for a little while longer.

I find myself understanding to a broader and more intimate level of how we are all connected as a whole, not only to this planet we call home but to each other.  In caring for my mother, I realize how connected she and I energetically are.  I have had to shield myself from the energy drain her condition is pulling from my field.  Do you remember the movie Cacoon?  Where aliens had to leave behind some of their own, hiding them within cacoons in a swimming pool? The group of elderly people who chanced upon this pool began to have their youthful energy returned to them, and in thinking they had found the fountain of youth, continued to use the pool.  Little did they know they were actually pulling the life energy from the aliens in the cacoons, which eventually killed the aliens.  In essence, this is how we are all connected to this planet and to each other.  We are all energy giving and receiving from one another.  We pull and give back to our planet.  If we can unconditionally accept each other where we are, not attempting to place expectations based on self-created illusions on the other, how much better would we be able to help each other and create a better world?

We are part of a universe which is conscious.  We are universal consciousness in human form continually developing deeper understandings of different existences. Everything from the smallest nanobe to the vast universe, even multiverses, are one, a whole consciousness.  As Neil deGrasse Tyson states, "We are star stuff."  We are not separated from one another.  I am you, and you are me.  What I do to another I do unto my own self because the energy which makes up that person is the same energy which is within myself, connected. If we can lose the idea and illusion that we are separated, individual beings, we can begin to embrace each other in any state.  Realizing the pain in another is our own pain manifested.  The lack of understanding within another concerning how we are all connected is a manifestation of how we too were once ignorant and in the dark.  So, instead of making the darkness thicker and stronger, we must focus on sharing the enlightenment of a connected whole.

This more profound revelation for myself has helped me in the times when I feel so utterly alone.  I have come to realize it is an illusionary state which I have convinced myself that although there are people around me, with me, loving me, I am alone.  It is a lie.  I am not alone, even you, dear reader, are with me.  I do not have to personally know you to be connected to you and believe you are sending me positive thoughts and energy to boost my daily life.  When I write, I do the same for you.  It is my way of attempting to share the things which have lighted my path and helped me to grow in understanding.  I give to you freely in the hopes that my words somehow bring to your day peace, joy, light, and hope.

If we all as a whole unit can focus on being positive and uplifting towards each other regardless of differences on any level, we can evolve past the ego-driven states of divisiveness and separation.  We can love and accept each other unconditionally precisely where we are in life.  Look around at the people or things in your daily life and practice seeing everything and everyone as part of yourself.  Seek the connection and do not try to change anything, just be accepting.  See, view, accept and love.  Then, if there is anything you are meant to act upon understand you do it unto yourself.  You will begin to sense with practice when the ego engages and when you are in the flow of connection.  Remember, the ego disconnects us because it focuses on being an 'individual.'

Each day is a new day to engage new practices of positivity.  Believe me when I say I understand there are times when the gray takes over life, and there seems to be no warmth to be found.  It is times such as this that understanding even in the gray the connection to the universal consciousness never ceases.  We are there with you, always, even in the darkness.  Let us learn then, to be willing to receive the flow and connection of the whole.  To be unconditionally loving to ourselves and each other.  We are more than our skin and physical body.  We are complete, whole, worthy and part of a beautiful universal consciousness full of love.   



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